This marks a year since my mom died. A year and 10 days, but who’s counting. This morning I got word that a one of my dear one’s just lost her mom last night.

What is it with October and mom’s dying? I say this for all the people out there in my universe that lost mom’s in October last year and now for my dear one. Is it that with the change in seasons we loose these people who kept us mored throughout our lives and that if you are going to mourn, winter is the time for it? I only know that I took this week off from work because I was feeling the grip of the anniversary coming up and now, all I want to do is lie in bed and cry. Again.

I would like to feel like smiling is not hard to do, that breathing is not difficult, that my mind can wander into happy thoughts and not crash against the rocks on shore and break up my vessel and put me under water again. I would like to feel better.

I want grieving to end now, and for the sunshine to start poking through the clouds.

But I guess I am rushing things.

This goes to Kathy, who’s mom is gone. And Joe, who’s Grandma love him so.