it’s the end of the world as I know it,

and i feel fine…………

I asked the universe for some help with my body. I asked for help from Camille, and Laura, and Deb, and MGT. I asked for help from Cedar and Efarr and Phoebe.

I got an answer from all of them. Bits and pieces of help. And now I am facing a huge change, challenge, mountain. And Now I am REALLY afraid. All these years I have said I wanted to be thin, and healthy. All these years I have done nothing to get myself there. And now I have the option of doing something about it and I am terrified.

What if I fail? Well, that is what I have done, what I have always done.

But what if I succeed? That scares me more than anything I can think of. What if I find a way to be healthy and happy and strong and successful and healthy. What if it works, and not just for the short term, but for the rest of this life I have to live. What if this is the change I need to finally be able to lay down this burden of unhealthy and sad and broken. What if I move into health, something sustainable. Something that I can live with.

What if I stop paying the “fat tax”? The books, the pills, the cures, the fads, the next thing that will make everything happen easily and quickly? What if all it takes is me listening to my body. Feeding it what it needs and exercising it. What if this is all I need?

What if I succeed? It would be the end of the world as I know it.