Preparing for NANOWRIMO

I have decided to try to do this this year. It is basically a way to get people writing and through their first rough draft. It is drive forward and keep the words flowing.

I decided to do this last month. Announced I would do it at my writers group. Then tore my office apart. I have been going through boxes, and organizing things, and throwing things out. I have moved all the lamps around, and gone through closets and looked at old tax records. I have buried myself in paperwork, and even downloaded a very complicated writing program to teach myself. I have in essence done everything in my power to put up obstacles so that I don’t write.

Yesterday, after thinking about a blog article for a week I finally wrote it. I have written a couple of tiny  articles for the Website at my store. I have started a play, that I have not finished. I have thought about all the stories I have begun, or just done drafts of, or outlined. I have a jumble of creative crap in my head and I need to start writing it down.

I submitted a play I wrote years ago to a friend who is a Mucky Muck at a local theatre. Just the first act. She read it and asked for the rest of it. I am scratching at the surface of what I really want to do. Just with my pinky finger. And only just a little scratch, maybe not even a scratch, a little rub with the tip of my pinky.

I have friends who are Bloggers! One friend has 3000 blogs. He writes every day. Another friend who has twin 5 year olds and posts and wins contests. Another friend is doing re-writes on her novel and has others in the fire. Another friend has and agent and has finished her second book.

I watch movies and TV on DVD. I swim. I go to bed early and read. I work. So why am I not carving time out…

NANOWRIMO is the time I am going to carve. Every day for a month. And if that doesn’t bring me back to writing, then I will rethink my belief system around this.

Sounds like a plan. Like a plan made by a ex-junkie, but a plan none the less.

Water Aerobics, not for the meek.

I have begun swimming again. I have always loved swimming. And now that I have tons of body heat from being a menopausal woman, the coolness of the water does not bother me as much as it used to. The pool I go to is lovely, close, and you get two towels! What more can a person ask for. It is my happy place. There are times when I even have the pool to myself, and I just float, happy Mona Lisa smile on my face, my pink cap filling with water, my limbs relaxing.

I have started taking a Water Aerobics class on Wednesday morning. It is a senior water aerobics class. The first week I wanted to leave 15 minutes into it. But I struggled and stayed. I was exhausted and slept for 3 hours after I got home. But now I can keep up. It is great for my ego. I look horrible in my suit, and yet, in comparison, it ain’t all that bad! Everyone there is cheerful and kind. They talk to me. They even invited me to come to the once a month lunch they have. Everyone smiles. It is my happy midweek delight.

So I have been doing this for a month. And I am thinking, “I should try the evening class.”

I am an idiot.

I worked a full day that day, which is about 10 hours on my feet. Then I went home and didn’t put my feet up. Then I went to class. The minute I hit the water I realized I was in trouble. The water buoyancy  usually keeps me protected. But this was not the case. The minute I hit the water my feet began to swell. Then the other women arrived. Large powerful Russian weightlifter sized women. I thought, “Ok, I can do this. They are all bigger than me.”

Wrong. They have been doing this class together for months and were like a synchronized tsunami. They moved the water and their bodies in such powerful graceful ways, all I could do was be amazed. They were like Dolphins! Or Killer Whales. They were sleek, and strong. It was amazing, and daunting.

And this is where I had my epiphany.

These women, who I judges for their big bodies, and bloated stomaches. Who I judged for their body shapes and sizes. Who I judged for their hair and makeup. These women who I JUDGED, were strong, powerful, confident, graceful and BEAUTIFUL. And I was wrong. So so Wrong!

I did my best and bounced as I could. I made it through the whole class. One woman gave me tips as we went along. But I lasted 10 minutes doing the work, then spent the rest of the time just trying to stay in the water and not run screaming into the night.

Judging people is one of the things I do best. It is my fall back. That and Gossip. And this time I had my Judging slap me in the face. A good thing, ’cause it is bad and I shouldn’t do it. But here I am a full week after the class, and all I can think about is how amazing those women are. And I am also amazed at how hard it was to write this. And what weird feelings I have when I was trying to explain what these women reminded me of. I am aware of how we have equated big with bad and clumsy and lazy and wrong. I am not alone in this.

But one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen is a Beluga Whale in the water. Or an elephant swimming. So I want to apologize to those people I have judged. And especially to myself. And I want to embrace the Me that is the Elephant in the water.  Because I am beautiful.