It’s the end of the world as I know it…

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I have included the words to the R.E.M. song at the end of this post. “Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn, world serves its own needs, don’t misserve your own needs.” These are the words that are moving through my soul right now.

My Pseudo-sabbatical is over and I head back to the world tomorrow. I am feeling calmer and more centered than I have in a long time. I am glad I took this time. I needed to get my priorities, if not straight than at least get them rounded up in a corral, and maybe hose them off a bit. I have a better sense of what I need to be doing and what I want my life to look like.The life I am now living with D3. The life that I will be spending the rest of my time here on earth doing. (The life that I will be doing the rest of my life spent here on earth.)

So without further ado, I bring you R.E.M.

And I feel fine.


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“It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” R.E.M.

That’s great, it starts with an earthquake
Birds and snakes, an aeroplane, and Lenny Bruce is not afraid

Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn
World serves its own needs, don’t misserve your own needs
Feed it up a knock, speed, grunt, no, strength
The ladder starts to clatter with a fear of height, down, height
Wire in a fire, represent the seven games
And a government for hire and a combat site
Left her, wasn’t coming in a hurry with the Furies breathing down your neck

Team by team, reporters baffled, trumped, tethered, cropped
Look at that low plane, fine, then
Uh-oh, overflow, population, common group
But it’ll do, save yourself, serve yourself
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed
Tell me with the Rapture and the reverent in the right, right
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam fight, bright light
Feeling pretty psyched

It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine

Six o’clock, TV hour, don’t get caught in foreign tower
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn
Lock him in uniform, book burning, bloodletting
Every motive escalate, automotive incinerate
Light a candle, light a motive, step down, step down
Watch your heel crush, crush, uh-oh
This means no fear, cavalier, renegade and steering clear
A tournament, a tournament, a tournament of lies
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives, and I decline

It’s the end of the world as we know it (I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine (It’s time I had some time alone)
I feel fine (I feel fine)

It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine (It’s time I had some time alone)

The other night I dreamt a nice continental drift divide
Mountains sit in a line, Leonard Bernstein
Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce, and Lester Bangs
Birthday party, cheesecake, jellybean, boom
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam but neck, right? Right

It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine (It’s time I had some time alone)

It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it
It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine (It’s time I had some time alone)

It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine (It’s time I had some time alone)

It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it (It’s time I had some time alone)
It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine (It’s time I had some time alone)

(It’s time I had some time alone)

Actually Running Downhill.

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The idea of a sabbatical was to allow myself time to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I was going to read and write and clean and organize. I was going to go swimming and walk, and I was going to clean up my food and my health. I planned on finishing the play I am working on and doing art projects and making my life and D3’s life much more enjoyable and easy.

What happened was some of that .

I went to yoga every week. I finished the first draft of the play. I once again threw away huge piles of things I no longer want or need. I have written some blogs. I have read some. We got to go to a cabin over night. And we upgraded our automobiles.

But during this time my mind has been going pretty much non-stop. I have had some spectacular ups and downs. I have hung out with a few friends, but mostly spent a LOT of time alone. I have watched the leaves outside my office window start to turn to fall. And I have realized that no matter what I think, I cannot get ahead of the things in my life. I can keep up, a bit. But getting ahead is impossible.

 


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This is more what this sabbatical looks like.

I think I have to be okay with it. I have to accept that I am going to be a bit of a mess no matter how hard I try. D3 will not always (or possibly ever) get a home made meal after work. I will not exercise every day. My chaos is always going to be invasive and visible. I will need to throw things out. FOREVER.

I did do a few things I have wanted to do for a long time. But in general…It was a lot of unstructured chaos. Which means that going back to work and the structured Chaos there may be a relief.

Also, yesterday I celebrated 1 year with my D3. We had a lovely meal and held hands. So as far as the relationship in my life goes, I am VERY happy. Which is the first time in my life I have been able to say that and mean it.

So there is that.