Killing me now would only prove to the “Gods of Moving” that they have won. (Box shown is the 5th or 6th Misc. Kitchen box. If you can’t read it, it says, “Don’t Judge ME! I am as worn out as this Marker”. Note to the reader, you know you are tired when you tape a box you packed 30 seconds before and cannot remember a single thing you put in it. )
Things I have learned from this move. Always use enough tape. Don’t be cheap. Get one of those professional tape guns from the get go, and extra tape. There is not a single thing in the world that will be as heart- wrenching as the sound of your beautifully packed box taking a dump in the hallway as you carry it to the stack. TAPE. I AM NOT KIDDING!
Also, use SMALLER BOXES. Your desire to fill the box up you will make boxes that will be too heavy for you to lift, and face it, even if you are hiring movers, you are going to move that mother-fucking box 800 times before you are done with it. Small boxes are big enough. AND Big boxes are not big enough for the things you need the big boxes for. So you end up wrapping all your special things in bubble wrap and push them into a box with the lid open and hope that it gets there safe.
Don’t wash your clothes for a week and then when the basket is full, PACK EVERYTHING ELSE. If you cannot live without it for the two sweaty, stinky, exhausting weeks before and after a move, you are living in a world I do not understand. I think that I have pitted out every t-shirt I own. And I am lazy and not even working that hard!
Keep you bed in tact with clean sheets up to the morning of the move. Then take the edges of the fitted sheet and flip it up and over the edges of your bed, pillows and all. Put it in that stupidly big box you had no idea what to use it for, and then when you arrive, pull your BED BURRITO out, set it on the bed, re-tuck the fitted corners and collapse.
Use your extra coats to make CLOTHING PEOPLE. Take a coat, take a hand full of clothes that are hangers in your closet, put the coat behind the clothes that are STILL on hangers. Then wrap the coat around the clothes, and zip or button the bundle up and the clothes stay on hangers as you either put them in the back of your car, like the dead bodies they are, or into the useful and not so useful wardrobe boxes. I’m fat so I get a lot of clothes into my coats. Which is great and slightly disappointing.
Do not pack at NIGHT. If you can help it, because if you are anything like me, you will spend the night packing and repacking that box you did last in your dreams. Last night I had a box like Mary Poppin’s carpet bag, and it just never got full and I kept thinking, this is not good. But I kept stuffing things into it and was resigned to let the movers deal with it.
And finally, do not try to do NANOWRIMO while you are packing, especially if you are writing a memoire about the 38 moves you have made in your life. It will just get you angry, and the next box you fill you will look at your most treasured thing and think,”If I just dropped this right now, I could save myself the trouble of finding it broken in the box when I got to our new house. ”
At least this is the Devil I Know.