The idea of a sabbatical was to allow myself time to figure out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I was going to read and write and clean and organize. I was going to go swimming and walk, and I was going to clean up my food and my health. I planned on finishing the play I am working on and doing art projects and making my life and D3’s life much more enjoyable and easy.
What happened was some of that .
I went to yoga every week. I finished the first draft of the play. I once again threw away huge piles of things I no longer want or need. I have written some blogs. I have read some. We got to go to a cabin over night. And we upgraded our automobiles.
But during this time my mind has been going pretty much non-stop. I have had some spectacular ups and downs. I have hung out with a few friends, but mostly spent a LOT of time alone. I have watched the leaves outside my office window start to turn to fall. And I have realized that no matter what I think, I cannot get ahead of the things in my life. I can keep up, a bit. But getting ahead is impossible.
This is more what this sabbatical looks like.
I think I have to be okay with it. I have to accept that I am going to be a bit of a mess no matter how hard I try. D3 will not always (or possibly ever) get a home made meal after work. I will not exercise every day. My chaos is always going to be invasive and visible. I will need to throw things out. FOREVER.
I did do a few things I have wanted to do for a long time. But in general…It was a lot of unstructured chaos. Which means that going back to work and the structured Chaos there may be a relief.
Also, yesterday I celebrated 1 year with my D3. We had a lovely meal and held hands. So as far as the relationship in my life goes, I am VERY happy. Which is the first time in my life I have been able to say that and mean it.
So there is that.