Fat

I was on a diet when I was 12 years old. I was going with my mom to WeightWatchers, Tops, and any other weight loss thing since I was born. I remember in Tops if you had gained the most weight over the week they sent you home with the piggy figure. I loved the piggy figure and was delighted when we got to take it home.

With the amount of dieting my mom did in the course of her life she could have been a dietician herself. She probably lost and gained herself 40 times. The times in her life when she was “thin” she was that way for only a short amount of time before something catastrophic happened. The last time was before she died. But even then she was still chubby to my standards and obese to anyone else’s.

I am thinking about what I want to write about for NANOWRIMO (nanowrimo.org) For the month of November you write a novel. 50,000 words in a month is 1700 or so a day. I did it the year I met D3. I wrote a book about my dating experiences. Sure enough as soon as I cleared all that energy and looked back and laughed at it, it seemed to clear the way for me to have a relationship with D3.

I wonder if I would be able to clear 50+ years of disordered eating if I were to do the same. This would be a brilliant time to do it too, since we are packing to move at the beginning of December. I could pack and NANOWRIMO as I moved out of the tiny condo and to a place where I will be able to walk and move more. I have noticed I can do almost everything in the condo’s kitchen in 3 steps. 2 if I plan it well. What will happen with stairs, and the ability to just step outside and walk in nature? Maybe hand in hand writing and moving would help. I don’t want to have to use a cane, or get rid of all my favorite clothes because I have had stress and made bad food choices and then laid in bed from shame.

Don’t get me wrong. I love a lot about my body, but I know that less weight will make me feel better. I am not looking at ever being skinny, that’s not me, and the maintenance would be impossible. But healthier, fitter, able to move and dance easily would be awesome. Also, I will need something that lets me feel creative while I wrangle contracts, and movers, and boxes, and all the detritus of a new start in a different city.

P.S. Let me know if you have any extra moving boxes.

 

Author: Zoe

I use words. I watch things. I see what you may not. Bio info is hard.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *