Nearly done with 2011

Posted on Facebook this a.m.

Today I take a moment to think back on my accomplishments for the year, big or small, they are making me the person I am today.
1. Survived and am going to thrive after the death of my remaining parent. 
2. Enjoyed one more year of working a job that I love.
3.Finally settling into my new home and have left behind the sadness of leaving the old one. 
4.Building a relationship with my last living sibling.
5.Went on a blind date and did not do anything horrific. (Booyah!)
6.Lived the whole year as 50 and decided it is ok, so I will be ok when I actually turn 50 next Feb.
7.Got a good nights sleep, FINALLY! (thanks Fritz)
8.Got my car repairs finished.
9. Had an office for my psychic work, for 6 months!! And made business cards.
10. Actually could think of 10 positive things.

Goodbye 2011, it’s been nice.

Easier to think of the things I have released this year. 

1. Being someone’s kid. 
Which includes:
Letting go of the false information that has been fed to me by my parents about my sister. As she and I compare notes, I realize that my parents were on a quest to keep us separated. They fed us false information to keep us apart, because if we compared notes on them, well, we would have probably smothered them each in their sleep. The lies, the falsehoods, the blatant attempts to control us and make themselves look good, when in reality, they made a muck of things… astonishing. I wonder if their lives would not have been easier if they had only told the truth. But I am letting that go with a “did the thing they thought was right”. And they can no longer hurt me or Pat. 
But also includes:
Getting to know my sister and to be present as we both discover who we are without the influence of our parents.

2.Realizing a dream of having a studio where I could write and do psychic work, and then letting it go after 6 months because I am apparently not ready to support it. But I did it and for a brief 6 months I had a very full keychain.
Which also includes:
Thinking that I want to take care of other people to the point that a psychic does. I am fine with the occasional reading, but to have and sustain clients is not something I am interested in. 

3. Letting go of the house on 27th. And coming into comfort with the place I live now. I still miss my bathtub and my garden so much I ache sometimes. But less is more. 

4. Releasing the stick that I have beaten myself with for all my life. The stick that I am not enough (or too much) that I should, could, would be better, happier, more successful if only I…. (fill in the dots). I tried out living 50 this year, since the idea of being 49 was soul crushing to me. Living all year with 50 dangling over my head, ridiculous. So I just jumped in and was 50. No fan fair. No hoopla. And I decided to adjust my attitude accordingly. 30 was lived in recover and fear, 40 was lived in working to make something of whatever it was I thought I was supposed to be. 50, well, if I don’t have it now, I never will, so calm the fuck down about it and enjoy what I have. 

5. Releasing more of that which no longer serves me, be it my addiction to wheat or my compulsion to shop when I feel bad. I release things that no longer serve me. 

And you know who you are.

Now let’s get on with it, shall we. 

Author: Zoe

I use words. I watch things. I see what you may not. Bio info is hard.

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