I think in all the haze of this whirlwind of romance I may have said something like, “Maybe we should keep this to ourselves until we have more answers.” Oh, I can sound practical, but apparently, the practice of practical is impractical.
I have in my hand an empty bag. Where the cat, dog, hippo, velociraptor were supposed to be. I have let them all out. Note to everyone: I suck at secrets. I assume you all know that by now.
Before I told my friends, while I was still in the blur of travel, I told the woman next to me that he was my fiancé.
Let me explain.
From the moment when he got down on his knees to propose, to this very minute right now, I am in a blur of disbelief, relief and calm. Calm, is not what I expected.
But, when we got to the Atlanta Airport we only had a short time before Dave got on the plane. We found a place to sit and wait and hold each other, a row of seats. There I decided on how this departure was going to go. I told him that I needed it to be that way so that I could survive. That we would get up and hug and kiss and then he would walk away. That had to be how it was because I would not be able to make it otherwise. He only looked back 3 times. God, bless him for that.
I sat back down when he was gone and burst into tears. I was in public, so I was tying to hold it together, which just made it worse. Then I felt a small had on my arm and a voice said, “Are you ok, honey?”
I slobbered out a, “no”. Then she said, “go after him”. If my legs had not been turned to pudding I would have run after him. If I had had my passport I would have never looked back. But I know in my heart that he will be back, and I also know that if I ran after him he never would have gotten on that plane. And we need to get our shit together so we can be together for the rest of our lives.
I croaked out, “I don’t have my passport.” She just said, “oh.” She held my hand until I could breathe again. Then I looked at her. This tiny black woman with fairy like hands and an angel face. She was so beautiful. She had such a sad look in her eyes. I asked her, “Are you alright?” And she said, “no.”
She had lived with a man for 9 years 20 years ago. He had been the love of her life. But they had separated and lost each other. A few months ago he tracked her down. They had been talking and she had come to the airport today to fly to New York to meet him. As she entered the airport he had called her, and he had told her not to come, that he had changed his mind.
This tiny resilient woman said to me, “I love him, but he does not deserve me, I will not cry for a man who does not know how special I am and who would throw me away.” I asked if she had family or friends coming to get her. She told me the woman behind the ticket counter was her friend was was off in a few minutes. She told me it was never too late for love, she was 59 after all. Then she asked my name and I asked hers.
For the second time in the same day I held both hands of a person I had only just met. I looked into her strong, fire blazing Valkurian eyes, and I shared a moment that will be forever with me.
“Look at us,” she said,”on either side of love.”
Yeah, look at us. God bless Phyllis and her strong heart and kind hands.
And thank you Universe for finally allowing me to be on the winning side of love.